Difficult to Put to Words

How many times do we hear that an event is too difficult to put to words? I know I have heard it several times. Major events, like the birth of a child, are often described this way. I had spoken to a few people who had attended Let’s Truck’s Certified Master Contractor (CMC) Conference, and said the experience was difficult to put to words and I doubted it. How could a conference, especially a conference about trucking. Yet, here I sit, just two short days after the conference has ended finding it difficult to put the experience to words.

I knew to expect many of the same issues Kevin goes over on the show in greater detail. I had been told Larry Winget was a great speaker. I expected the negotiations portion to really push me to an uncomfortable zone. I was also told the networking with other drivers made the conference invaluable. I was not expected to really have the conference effect and challenge me in the ways it has.

We arrived in Kansas City on Thursday, and immediately ran into a few people I had been conversing, and sometimes arguing with on Facebook. By the end of the week, I hated to leave the conference. I knew we needed to get back to work, but I really felt like I really hadn’t learned all I could from all those around me. The networking was truly priceless. For those of us who listen to Kevin, we have come to know people like Jimmy the Junkman, and many had preconceived notions about him and there is no way he was like that in real life. Reality, Jimmy is a crazy smart, patient man who is willing to share his wealth of knowledge with anyone that takes the time sit with him. I cannot begin to thank him enough. Rico (or as I just called him Sauvé) not only shared his hard earned knowledge with all at the CMC, but he took time out to spend extra time with my husband. We spent a lot of time trying to teach Southern to a British Canadian, and he shared not only his business plan but his story which blew me away. Robert and his wife not only shared his knowledge, but his dedication to the industry shows in his willingness to take a younger driver under his wing and share his knowledge. There are so many more which taught me a lot, and modeled the mentoring I think is sorely needed in this industry. I was able to share a little of my knowledge and abilities with several others, but I really feel like I took so much more than I gave back.

Negotiations can be something many don’t want to attempt, and surely don’t want to learn more about, however George Gallamore made it really applicable to everyone’s life. He taught me more about me, and really made me realize why I do some of the things I do. Not only do I understand myself better, I understand my husband and much of my family a little better, so I feel his tools and information were something I needed, no matter how I dreaded it. Learning other people and learning to recognize the clues as to what type of person they are will help us in the end. While I don’t think his knowledge will help us make a decision on buying a new dishwasher, at least he now has a new couple to use as an example.

Goal setting is something I learned about while I was in the business world, but sometimes I forget those skills and don’t apply them in this business. Being reminded the steps for goal setting, and really analyzing the motives behind the goals was something I really felt we needed. I really would like to write a book, but I also know that goal is rather selfish. My husband and I have realized we really need to make a decision on our future. We need to decide on a plan that will work for us, write out goals, and make a plan to get us where we would like to be. We don’t have much time, but it is definitely needed.

Larry Winget said several things that were funny and yet made you think. One think that just made you think was, “Nothing is neutral.” In life, every decision we make either moves us towards our goals or away from them. No decision we make has no bearing on our lives. He made so many witty comments I don’t think I could ever list them all, but they all made me think about life. We definitely need to “Grow a Pair.”

There are so many more things we learned, and so much more I could write about how inspiring this conference was, but in the end my words will still not convey my true feelings of the conference. I can say, if anyone in the industry has an opportunity to be in Kansas City the first full week of May, I highly suggest making plans to attend the CMC. Many say the conference costs a lot, especially when you factor in the cost of the hotel, loss of revenue, etc. However, the investment in yourself and your business is invaluable. Bottom line, cost of the CMC: $1400, Hotel: $1000, Lost Revenue: $5000, but the CMC is truly PRICELESS!

Confession Time

I have taken quite some time off from writing, as is quite apparent. When my sister confronted me about it, I said I felt the need to have real human interaction. Truth is, I was knee deep in resistance. (I finished listening to The War of Art, and those of you who have read/listened to it will understand that comment.) Why was I resistant to write? Several reasons.
First I fear I have nothing important to say. I started this blog to share our life, and hoped I could help someone in the process. However, much of what I have written has turned into rant-fests, which I didn't want. I know no one will hang on my every word as though I was some celebrity, but sometimes it its nice to have someone appreciate your words. (I am honestly not fishing for compliments, just sharing.)
Second, I fear my words will end up hurting someone. We have recently gone through quite an ordeal in our family with my eldest daughter, and I am afraid I could easily hurt someone without intending to do so.
Third, we have been in an uproar. Not only has there been drama in our home life, but there has also been a lot of drama in our work life. Once we get those issues settled I may share more about that.
Fourth, I am afraid my words will show the failure I feel I am. I feel like a failure with respect to or business (we are operating at a loss this year). I feel like a failure with respect to homeschool (we didn't finish all I wanted). I feel like a failure as a mother (my daughter is in jail, what does that say about me). I feel I am a failure as a Christian (my prayer life has slashed and I feel alone because of it). I feel like a failure as a mentor (after feeling shunned by a fellow mentor I feel I shouldn't lead anyone, but follow others who obviously know more than I do). Most of all I feel like a failure as a wife (I have felt so down I have taken it out on my husband).
Finally, we have just been busy. I know, saying I am busy is just showing my resistance, but we really have. We have been busy researching curriculum, companies, truck upgrades, trailers, networking with new prospective coworkers, and just enjoying people when we can.
Since I last posted we have done a lot of sitting and fighting to be able to move. One of those sitting episodes involved us being able to attend the Great American Truck Show. (It was there I felt shunned by a fellow mentor, and yet was so happy to see some I feel have become friends.) My daughter rode a bull at Gilley's, and I was proud of her 23 second ride. We got to learn quite a bit from people at the show, and get tired out doing so. We had quite a few people enjoy our truck, which made me feel proud.
I really don't mean this to be a pity party, I just really wanted to share why I have been silent. I hope those who love me will pray I somehow get out of this funk and break the resistance to writing.

Home Safety Compromised

"We came to mow the lawn and noticed your back door was standing wide open. Is it supposed to be?"

"No."

"Do you mind if we just step inside and see if there is anything obvious missing?"

"Please do."

"Did you have a television in the living room?"

"Yes, a big 73" DLP."

"Well, you don't now."

That is the phone conversation that led to us being forced to come home. We delivered some thrust reversers in Wichita, Kansas, and decided we couldn't leave. Unfortunately, given my eldest daughter's choice in a boyfriend, we immediately suspected she was involved. We got in touch with all the other kids, and asked if someone went out and left the door open, if someone gave my eldest the code to the door, or if we were in fact broken into by someone not in our family. Our son went to the house later that evening and confirmed, the television was gone, as were our video games and some paraphernalia, my jewelry box, my husband's jewelry, speakers, car audio, some old cell phones, some alcohol, some collectibles, a truck GPS, and about $8,000 worth of tools. In addition, they left us a couple presents in the toilet, which they couldn't flush because we turn off the water when we are gone. Since it was more than just the television, we really didn't think my daughter could choose to hurt us that badly. We decided it MUST be someone else.

The speaker taken out of the speaker box

An empty tool drawer.

The stand for our 73" television with the missing games.

We got home late Tuesday night, and decided to wait until Wednesday to really look at the damage. We had been cleaned out of most things. The thieves got away with the keys to the car, and stole quite a few other keys as well. They opened every drawer, and went through everything. We had the crime lab come out and dust for prints, which sadly revealed nothing. We did, however find cigarette butts outside which were not ours. The detective that came out asked if we originally suspected anyone, so they could run that through their database to see if they could find anything. They would take the DNA from the butts to see if they could find anything.

The next day we got a call letting us know my daughter pawned a ring and a scan tool, both of which we suspected immediately came from our home. We spent the rest of the time trying to gather more information. My middle daughter came out to see what we had discovered. We found out a few more pieces of information. The whole time we tried to ensure my daughter signed a power of attorney so my mother could take the kids to Colorado. 

Friday, led to my daughter's questioning, and eventual arrest.We drove about 40 miles to identify my engagement ring and ring guard, as well as the scan tool. We found out the lies my daughter was telling. She told the inspector she got the ring and scan tool from some guy at a hotel who asked her to pawn the items. She told my mother the ring wasn't mine, and tried to change the description. When we looked at my ring, it solidified the fact my daughter was involved. We also found out her boyfriend was a VERY bad person who has a substantive wrap sheet full of multiple counts of breaking and entering. In addition, most of the pawn shops will not accept things from him because they are aware most of it is stolen.

Saturday brought lots of laughter and joy. We celebrated my grandchildrens' birthdays.Four generations were under my daughter's roof at one time, and there was no arguing, only lots of hugs, kisses, infectious laughter, and enjoyment.

Four generations together. From L to R my daughter Kristen, me, my mother holding my granddaughter Akasha, my youngest daughter Bonnie, and my sister Melissa.

Akasha is happy she got blocks of her very own!

Chase opening his favorite toy

Chase has a big rig of his very own

Who cares if the tag is still on, and it isn't on right, Akasha is a princess.

The only good part of the cupcake is the icing!

He likes the whole thing, and loves having cake face.

I'm not peeking at my presents.

Pizza face smiles.

While our home will never truly feel safe again, and no matter where we go, I have to disable the car, because the thieves took keys to our car, our home, and so many things, it was great to be able to hear laughter. My eldest is sitting in jail. Her kids are safe. As difficult as it is, I cannot allow my disappointment in my daughter to affect her innocent children. She and her boyfriend have torn apart our life, but her children had nothing to do with it. I will prosecute my daughter to the fullest extent of the law, and make sure we are at as many court hearings we can possibly attend. Tough love is tough, and yet it is so necessary.

Reviewing Plans

People always seem to have the best plans, and yet the follow through is not always great. I had all these grand plans for this blog, and then life happens. We end up running so wide open I pushed myself to run at 75 mph, which cost us about $600 in lost fuel but allowed us to make the appointment. We end up just so focused on the life we are living, I forget to share. So, while my follow through on plans hasn't been what it should be, I won't make any more plans, just hope to do a bit better at sharing.

Bonnie enjoying the "back deck" while we were empty in San Francisco, CA

We have been back out on the road for almost a month now. I feel we are really getting used to this new truck. We are starting to make money (which is a good thing). We are enjoying the almost 1 mpg improvement this truck has over our old truck. We are happy in the first 12,000 miles on full synthetic oil in a 700k mile CAT, we have no oil usage, and thanks to the EcoPur the oil looks like we just poured it out of the jug. If things stay like this, we may be able to easily go 250,000 miles before needing to change it. We are looking to swap out the tires on this truck, which should help with the fuel mileage. Not really sure what kind of tires we are going to get as of yet, especially since we never had good luck with Michellin tires in the drive position, and the Bridgestones we would have gotten have been taken off the market due to issues. I guess we will figure it out.
On the homeschooling front, we finished most of the work I set out to finish this year, and now are looking at plans for what we will do next year. The only break we will really have (other than a day or so here and there) will be when Chris and I go to the CMC in September (but more on that in a bit). I have been very proud of Bonnie's choice to read more often. Some days are a struggle, but then I have to remember she is a teenager. We are looking to add Latin (hoping that will improve her language understanding), Logic (because let's face it, all of us could learn better ways of analyzing issues), and possibly Spanish (Chris wants to learn Spanish so he can better communicate at some of the places we go, so we might as well all learn it together). We will be continuing with Sonlight, Teaching Textbooks, and Apologia. I have found out I can get better deals if I shop around, so I will be doing that to ensure we aren't overspending on homeschooling by trying to get everything from one place. I am excited about next year, and then we get to start planning for high school!
Back to the CMC. You may remember, I mentioned a few months ago, I have been accepted into the mentoring program Kevin Rutherford started to help give back to the industry. I think I am the only mentor who has not been to the CMC. It is a week long in depth look into fuel economy, and the business of trucking. We have talked about going to it for several years, but just like so many other things, life gets in the way and we don't go. This year, we have committed to going, and have started making payments. I am excited about going. This will be a week with no Bonnie (thanks to my father-in-law), and no dispatch to bug us. I know, how can a week spent learning about the business of trucking really be a vacation, but I am hoping we will walk away with knowledge, and a network of like-minded people.

My hydration device.

As an update on the diet, let's just say right now I am more concentrating on my stomach getting back to normal than anything. I "cheated" on the diet and had some cherries we bought from a road side fruit stand in California. Within 12 hours my stomach was on revolt, and didn't want anything to stay in it, not even water. After about 72 hours of trying everything I could think of, I was so dehydrated I could hardly function. We went through the house, and my middle daughter picked me up and took me to the hospital. I stayed there for almost 24 hours while they got me hydrated, and medicated enough to hold a liquid diet in. It took me a few more days to get back to normal, but I still have a few issues getting my system to act normal, so we have halted the diet for now. We are still trying to eat better, but when I am still not reacting well to being out in the heat, and my stomach still isn't what it should be, I really can't justify trying to diet. I hope I will get back to normal soon.
I hope everyone who reads this will understand, especially those who truck, how difficult it can be to blog on a regular basis. I still have so many ideas of things to say running around in my brain. I think I will have to figure out how to record my thoughts when I am driving at night, so it will be easier to write later. Be safe.

Starting In The New Truck With A New Diet

Take a look around any truck stop, and you are bound to see a great many truckers who fit what the public thinks of a "typical trucker." I have been aware the public thinks truckers are dirty, fat slobs who sit in their truck and drink and smoke. While I will admit we have gained weight since we have started driving, truth is, we weren't healthy before we started driving, so why would we be any better on the truck?
We have tried Weight Watchers while on the truck, and somehow, after a little success, it seems like a struggle to do anything other than gain weight. I tried making sure to cook everything we eat, and then again, it seems we do alright for a little while and then struggle.
My husband ran across Richie Acosta's East Coast Large Cars information about a year and a half ago. He has followed Richie. Recently, Richie announced his newest endeavor, TruckinFit. Once the information was shared with me, I immediately became interested. I remembered reading the article about him in Truckers News and thinking, "Yeah, but he runs short stuff and can get in a gym. I'd like to see him try that doing what we do." Then, the T A and Petro Truck Stops started work out rooms, and posting walking routes. OK, I get it, yes, I CAN do it, but how?

Richie is helping us to be able to establish menu choices. Change our poor choices. We have added supplements, and started sliding into the diet over the last week. We are a week of starting into the diet (we followed his diet plan except we had to eat a few dinners I still had prepped from before). I am feeling a lot better, and am down 3.4 pounds. I know a great deal of that is the water I have been forcing myself to drink, so then the water weight your body stored comes off, but, I am hopeful. We will check back with him in 2 more weeks, and let him know how our progress is, and tweak things if we need to. I will post on our progress on here on occasion as well.

Introducing the White House on Wheels

Right now we are ready and waiting to head out on the road with our new (to us) truck. We sold our old truck, and have purchased a 2000 Kenworth W900 with a 156" sleeper on it, and only 729,000 miles. The new truck is laid out so well, and we are looking forward to how well it will work for us. I am showing a few pictures below.

Profile view of the front of the truck.

Back of the truck, showing the headache rack.

 The truck has a custom headache rack, which is VERY handy for putting stuff in. Even with all the storage on the inside, there are still some things we have to put in the back (like laundry). And now my hubby has plenty of room for his tools.

Looking in from the back door.

 As you can see from looking in the back door, it is laid out sort of like a hallway. You can see the bottom of the TV there, but it really doesn't stick down too far. Full size refrigerator, 2 burner stove, sink, batroom with shower and potty, and LOTS of storage. The bed is folded down in this picture, but when it is folded up, there is a dinette under it.

The new couch.

 This is the new couch (now it has a few more pillows on it too), which folds out into a bed as well, so my daughter has a place to sleep, or do schoolwork.

Looking towards the back door.

 Here you can see the 42" TV with all the components above, and a sound bar mounted as well.

The "cockpit" as our family tends to call it.

The front is where all the driving happens, and there are so many switches, I can't remember what most of them are for.When it turns dark out, you just have to start flipping switches until everything is on. I am sure we will get used to it. This will be only the second Kenworth I have driven, and the first W900. We have been in so many Peterbilts, the "feel like home." I am not sure how it will be to drive this new truck, but I am looking forward to the new adventure.

A Note from my Daughter

While we have been home, I was cleaning the desk and found a note my middle daughter wrote me some time ago. It reads:

"My mom.
"My mom is amazing. She has been there for me through... everything. From the time when my only problem were Kaitlyn stealing my Barbies, to some girl stealing Brady from me, to things that are so much bigger than that. She supports me the same way I do her. But in that same way it is totally different. She loves me and only wants the best for me, no matter what I do. She has always just tried to keep be from heartbreak  whether big or small. I love her and even though at times I think she is evil, and I really don't want the best for her, but other times I want to get her through whatever things she is going through. She is my support group, my shoulder to cry on when so and so was being mean, my beacon of hope when I didn't want to get through another day. When she is sad, I want to do everything to make it better, because if my mom is sad, then I can't be happy. And if I could, its to a certain extent. She has always put her kids first, and has taught me more about how to be a mom than any parenting book I could buy from Barnes & Noble. I used to think it would be easy to move out when the time came, but as each day goes by I realize its actually going to be hard. We might shed a tear, or two, or hundreds, but she has shown me the meaning of true beauty, someone who cares about others so much it just starts to spread all over them, making them the most beautiful people on the planet. The meaning of true love, I see it each time she looks at my dad. It makes me hope that one day I can look at someone even close to that. She has shown me that mothering is hard, and never to take it lightly. Its a big responsibility and even though I've got the hips to make babies, to wait, get my life started, I'll be so much happier. She has shown me that even when everything falls apart you can pick up the pieces, and if the old ones don't fit as well as they used to, mend them, and if they don't want to be mended and only want to drift away, then there is more where that came from. Oh, and she has shown me that she can be there for me; I just need to let her in a little. No boy will ever come between us again. =]
"I love you Mom."

When I read it I cried and cried. Now, as I type it, I cry some more. So many things have been going on, including my eldest daughter ending up in jail. Crying seems to be so easy right now. I have always put my children first. I have always tried to do what is best for them. My middle daughter writing this note made me see she gets it, at least a little. I know she wrote it well before she moved out, and before things got so strained between the two of us, but I hope she still feels that way.
Motherhood is definitely NOT EASY. While I have always tried to do what is best for my kids, and put them first, sometimes I have to decide that what is best for them is to NOT put them first. As I mentioned, my eldest is now sitting in jail. Her kids, my grandchildren, are in the care of my sister and her friend. My mother is discussing coming to get the kids. I am firm on this stand, my daughter needs to somehow be forced to get clean, get a real job, and learn the mothering lessons I evidently didn't teach her. If that means she sits in jail, and that social services becomes involved in her parenting plan, then that is what is best. While I would love to take my grandchildren in, it would mean giving up trucking, coming back to an economy where it is still difficult to find a job, and perhaps even putting all the kids in public education. That is not what I believe is best for my family. I cannot save my daughter. I cannot watch her kill herself any more.
While the note above makes me happy my middle daughter loved me so, I am saddened by my situation. There is so much more going on I would like to share, but right now, I just want to cry.