What I Have Lost

We have officially been truck drivers for three years now. Well to be technical, three years ago we only had our permit, but I am counting it since shortly after we started ACTUALLY driving. Everyone in the country seems to be looking back four years, and I did that when I stood in the store contemplating buying ZooPals to serve cake on (inside family joke). However, as this most recent change has taken place, and I try to prepare for even more changes, I have become increasingly aware of the things I have lost.
I have lost the ability to change my mind on clothing or shoes. Again, those who know me know that even if I were to plan an outfit the night before, inevitably I go to put it on and decide to change. It may be because I got toothpaste or deodorant on it. It may be because I am all of the sudden bloated. Or it may be because I just changed my mind. No matter the reason, typically my hubby or someone else would have to bring me back to reality and force me to stop changing clothes. Now, I have about three tank or sleeveless shirts, about six short sleeves, five long sleeves (it is almost time for snow), a few shorts, a few capris, yoga pants (and they are never used for yoga), jeans, and some comfy jammy pants, and two pairs of shoes. They all sort of go together (and that part is difficult for me). My intent really is to create a wardrobe I can more or less ensure it is weather appropriate and not care what I look like. For those who know me, you know this is something you never thought you would see. It makes things easier, but I miss my heels and Ann Taylor Loft pants.
I have lost a frost free freezer, and recently had to replace my blow dryer. Most of you will remember the days of having a freezer create so much ice you had to empty it, and use a blow dryer to remove all of the built up ice on it. For some who read this you will have no clue what I am talking about and will be scratching your head trying to understand. Trust me, the modern frost-proof freezers that don't create more unusable ice than safely freezing food are a blessing. While i am thankful for our freezer, it reminds me after about 3 weeks that I need to break out the hair dryer again. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but my middle daughter "borrowed" my hair dryer and I haven't seen it in a long time.
I have lost my ability to change my mind and cook something different. For those in a truck you totally understand, but for others, let me explain. At home you have a stove, oven, microwave, lots of cooking implements, and a store within driving distance. Unless you don't have a working car, if you decide chicken enchiladas isn't really what you want to make for dinner, you'd just rather have spaghetti, you can swing by the grocery store get what you need and no one knows any different. For us, right now our microwave doesn't work, all we have is a convection oven, a grill, and a plug in frying pan. Not always can we pass close enough to a Walmart that all 83' of us can get in and out of, much less do we always have time. Believe me time is a luxury we don't always have.
Since this one just came up, I have lost my ability to complete one thing without being interrupted. Okay, most of you are cracking up at that one. Especially my children who have seen me clean and realize I get distracted taking one thing into a room and then start cleaning that, try to put something away in the hall closet and realize I need to clean that too. Yes, my ability to stay on task has always been in question, but now inevitably as soon as I start doing anything, the phone rings and we have to get going. I started this blogpost and now we are headed to Houston to get two engines to go to Newark. Now I get to try to finish my post while the truck is being driven down the road (Thank God for the Backspace key).
I have lost my ability to get up and get going when I want. Okay, so most can't do that either, since we are slaves to an alarm clock and schedules set by our family, our bosses, etc. Let me explain. Imagine putting a mattress in the back of your walk in closet (because that is pretty much how big our sleeper is), now imagine sleeping along the back wall of that. Everything is fine if you are the only one in the bed (or only share it with a dog), but if you are relegated to the back wall and have to crawl over your hubby to get out of bed, believe me things change. Gone is the ability to get up, make a pot of coffee, read a little, and get my morning time going without disturbing anyone else. While we are making plans to expand our sleeper, right now I cannot really do this. My middle daughter would say I disturbed her a lot when I first get up when we are at home, but it is never really my goal. Now the coffee pot is at the end of the bed, so trying to not wake up my husband by crawling over him is now even more difficult by trying to make the pot of coffee.
I have lost a schedule. Most people have a set schedule they work, are at home, etc. Our schedule is so flexible it is pretty much non-existent. While I do typically drive from midnightish to noonish (depending on the loads and timing of things), waking up every day at midnight and going to sleep at noon is not really feasible. When we are sitting, I would rather be up when "normal" people are, but still get up earlier than those in the truck. Doctors would say this is horrible, I need to be on a normal schedule, but this is life.
I have lost my ability to plan. Again, trucking involves flexibility. If we plan on going to the grocery store along the way, inevitably they will call and change our route to pick up something else, making the planned stop impossible. If we plan on being able to pay something off, inevitably the loads don't work out to where that will happen. Planning is gone. For me, this one is difficult. I am Mrs. Control Freak. No schedule, no plan, I am typically worried.
There are so many more things I could list that I have lost, but there are so many things I have gained as well.
I have gained the ability to spend every day with my best friend and love of my life. Yes, this can be difficult at times, but once we got past the first six months being under each others feet isn't quite so bad.
I have gained time with my youngest daughter. Right now she is at home because we are in the probationary period with our new company, however, typically she is with us. (Yes, that is three people and a dog in a rolling walk-in closet complete with a bathroom and kitchenette.) I have gained the ability to see her grow before my eyes. I have gained the ability to teach her. I have gained the ability to watch her get something. I have gained sharing things with her. Believe me, this is a huge gain that I would not give up.
I have gained a beautiful office view. My friend, Paula, likes to brag we have the best office view. I agree. It is ever-changing. Very rarely do we have a view that I can't find something to enjoy. I may have to wait for the sun to cooperate, but even when we sit there is something to enjoy. As we drive down the road, just seeing the land is a blessing. Losing my little plot in cubicle-land is no big deal when I look at His beauty.
I have gained more quality in the time we have at home. Believe me, those of you who live in the same place as your family don't understand this one at all, but you don't know what you have. We have family spread out all over. Some times we can only stop in and have coffee and smoothies. Some times we actually get to sit down to a meal and stand in the kitchen discussing politics (dangerous thing). Believe me our time with our family that does not live in Alabama is absolutely a blessing we would never have any other way. However, even the time when we are at home is better. I cook way too much food, and we enjoy each other more than we did when we were all on top of each other. Now it helps that all but the youngest are adults with their own lives anyway, but believe me the time is different.
I have gained time with God. Think about it, how many people get to spend ten hours a day driving down the road, enjoying all that God has created, learning with your child, thankful for it all, and yet praying and seeking God's wisdom while you are alone? Okay, I know that there are millions of drivers, but not all of them look at things through the same eyes. When I am having a hard time, I intentionally ask God to help me through it, and praise Him when He does. A pastor a long time ago told everyone to pray while they were in the car, and they would be amazed how pleasant the drive is. I would say the same thing. Pray and worship while you drive and truly put your trip (even if its five miles) in His hands and you will be amazed what He does.
There are so many things I have lost and gained, but since I am getting old and now my mind is focused on work, I can't think right now. I challenge each person reading this to pray, listen and worship while driving, or commuting. I also challenge you to think about the things you have, and remember, "A truck brought it." I challenge you to remember when you realize something you have lost (no your mind doesn't count), then thank God for something else you have gained. He may have allowed something to be removed from your life, but it is so He could cause you to grow. Growing past Mrs. Control Freak into Mrs. Trying to be Flexible is a difficult path, but one I know He had a reason to place me on. Thank you God for putting this in my mind today, and thank all of you for allowing me to share it with you.